I was born and raised in
Hayward, CA by the best parents in the world. My memories of them will always
be good ones, and I put no blame on them for anything because I take full
responsibility for the choices I have made in my life.
"When I was a
little kid, it was hard to make me frown. My Dad often tells me the story of
how I was born smiling. I can watch childhood videos, and there I am smiling,
running around, enjoying everything I could touch or see. At some point in my
life as I got older, I started to lose my smile. I guess I smiled so rarely
that I forgot how it was done. My sorrowful journey would soon begin after this
period of my life, because in elementary school the battle had already begun.
I sometimes
wonder what happened to the smiley, energetic kid that I watch in the videos,
or see in my childhood pictures. I wished that everything beyond that point in
my life had been a dream, and that I would wake up in my Dads arms a kid again,
but I knew that deep down, that kid had been missing for quite some time.
As hard as I
try, I cant seem to smile like I used to. I've been through a war, and few
people know about it. I honestly don't know how I made it out alive. If I had
been any weaker, I probably wouldn't have. My life would have ended while those
who ended it would continue living theirs, never looking back at the casualties
they left behind. I still carry wounds from the war I fought, and maybe my
frown is one of them. Luckily, this war is not over, and I intend on winning
it. It will be then that my childhood innocence will be restored. Once the war
is over, I will be free again, like I was when I was a smiling child."
I wrote that when I had hit 300 lbs. I was reminiscing on my childhood... being bullied in school to the extent that I often considered suicide as a viable means out of my misery. I had always told myself that I wouldn't let myself go to 300, that I would rather die than see that number on a scale. On the dreadful day that I did reach 300, a part of me did die for a while, for the weeks following I was in a depressed state. I saw no good in life, only good in the life I wish I had. It was after the realization that there was a better life to be lived that I started doing the things necessary to live it.
After a 6 month battle with myself, I stood upon the scale once again, and low and behold, I weighed in at 178 lbs. I was so extatic that I thought I could take a break from my warrior routine for the holidays. Big mistake. My clothes once again started to feel tight, not to mention my face started to swell. For two weeks I lost myself to the kitchen, to candy, and to other old habits, such as eating 4 meals at one sitting. It stops NOW.
It is again time for me to reembark on my great journey, but this time I don't plan on doing it alone. I am going to blog through my pain in a hopeful attempt to give me something to look forward to and as a means of documenting my progress.
As this is my first blog EVER, I think it's time for me to tell you all a little bit of what my blog is going to be about!
I plan on blogging about my struggle with weight, working out, going on bike rides, working in the yard, learning about new plants (I'm completely fascinated with plants,) and other recreational activities I may decide to do. I want to keep people informed on my progress and also help other people who may find themselves in a similar situation, or on a lighter note, talk about common hobbies and interests!
This first blog has been fun for me, and I hope it was a fun read for you. I will have more posts and photos soon! Happy blogging!
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