Its a new day!

Thats right, its a new day and so far, at 1:42 am, I'm feeling fully motivated! I can't wait to go to sleep! Erm.. I mean.. Wake up, smell the Yerba Mate brewing in the morning, flavored with a little bit of Stevia. Mmm...

Its Monday, so hopefully my parents don't have anything planned, and also hopefully it will be a nice day tomorrow. We've been having pretty lousy weather the past few weeks, but I guess that's normal for winter. The cold weather has drained me of my energy, but I think that after tonight's revelation I'm going to be doing a lot more things outside, rain or shine!

Where was I? Oh yes! If the weather is decent, I might be able to talk my parent(s) into hopping on BART with me so we can head on over to Lake Merritt in Oakland, CA and enjoy the garden there. They have a palm tree, Parajubaea Cocoides, which is a very interesting plant. It grows at elevations as high as 6,000 feet, not to mention it fruits mini coconuts! Although this is not the variety of the cold hearty coconut I wish to grow, (Parajubaea Torallyi var. Torallyi,) it should still give my Mom an idea of 1. How big it grows, and 2. Where we can plant one! (or 3!) (one would be nice..) (3 would be great!)

Basically I'm going to try to get out of the house to aid in my detox session from sugary/high carbohydrate foods. It is going to take me about a week to get all of these chemicals out of my body to help my hormones find equilibrium again. I still can't believe I let myself go again. Every time this has happened (this is the third binge session I've been through,) I tell myself "Never Again." Yet it seems now more than ever, now that I've hit under 200 lbs, that these binge sessions are occuring more and more frequent. It scares the daylight out of me because I never want to be where I was again, yet when I go through these dark episodes its like I lose all control. I just have to keep telling myself that I am in charge, and If I want something, I have to get it myself because no one is coming to me with a silver platter. I need to regain control of my actions, the sooner the better.

So, looks like I have a goal for tomorrow! Drink some Yerba Mate and beg my parents to take me to the Lake Merritt Gardens (Lakeside Park Garden Center.) I'm very goal oriented so as long as I have a task on hand, I should be able to focus! However I'm not very good at multitasking, which is why whenever I get stressed I tend to munch, which leads me to become depressed about munching, bringing on more anxiety and more stress... Its a never ending cycle that I need to end.

Enough about my psychology. I'm a little of, but isn't everyone?
I'll be sure to blog about my experience at the garden tomorrow, or to blog about the failed attempt to go! Either way, you will be hearing from me VERY SOON.

Peace and love, John.