What a Day

Finally, the day is coming to an end as a new one begins its revolution towards the west.

Today was a good day for me. I feel rejuvenated... my depression is finally subsiding and my cold is going away. For the first time in 3 days, my head feels somewhat normal, although my ears are still clogged and I don’t think a plunger to the head would be the healthiest form of alternative medicine. That was a joke. lol.

I made it a point to drink a lot of water today. Hydration is key to detoxing the body from artificial chemicals. Herbal teas also seem to help, if you use the right blends. Today I drank a nice Yerba Mate in the morning before school, and at lunch I drank a spicy Chai tea.  Now that it's getting near my bed time, I'm anxious to put my kettle on the stove to indulge in a hot cup of chamomile.

I didn't do much today other than school and helping my parents move out our old washer/drier to bring in the new (Mom just loves Black Friday.) My dad and I went to the store to get palm and cactus mix. I recently purchased 3 Sceletium Tortuosum, aka Kanna, a South African native medicinal succulent that has been used by the natives for quite some time... Anyways, the plants came in pretty bad shape. The soil is somewhat molded and a lot of the plant material is bruised. It's going to take some nurturing to bring these plants back to life. As my mom always said, you have to start from the ground up, so I intend to.

I will take pictures of my plants and post them up tomorrow so you all can start to track the growth (if any,) of at least one of my plants. I'm really excited about this one. As you all should know by now, I love plants that have noticeable effects on people, as subtle as they may be. I just find the connection between people and plants to be fascinating...

By the way, check out my other blog. Its All about plants! @Subherban

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to post some new pictures of me and a few of my plants. I look forward to writing to you all soon!

Peace and LUV!
John

Can I get a minute?

Well, I finally woke up after along restless night, tossing and turning in my bed as my head felt like it was going to explode and my stomach magically turned into a gaseous giant that kept me running to the bathroom well past sunrise. Yes, winter definitely IS here!

When I woke up after my horrible night's rest, at around 5 pm, I went into the living room to watch a movie with my parents. My mom asked my dad if she could have a minute, and my dad posed a very good question, "where do I get a minute?"

I've been pondering on that thought, because even if a minute doesn't seem like a lot of time, imagine if you knew you only had a minute left. It would be then that you would finally respect a minute for what it is.

After sleeping my day away, I realized how easy it is to lose track of time, but I don't want to. I want to keep my minutes and enjoy every second of them. After all, you never know when your last minute will be, so I think all minutes should be enjoyed. Life is precious... every second of it!

Anyhow, it looks as if I wont be going to the Lakeside Garden Center after all... But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy this time and find something else to do. My parents are here and I'm fortunate enough to be a 20 year old still living with them! I might as well take this time and enjoy their company - even if that means doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, or sweeping the front yard (things that I should be doing but somehow always manage to evade doing them...) I know that as long as I am here, my parents should be able to relax and enjoy themselves... something they should have been doing a long time ago.

I'm going to try to be a better person, to others and to myself. As long as I live in the moment, but still have a vision of where and what I want to be, life should be uphill from here!

Thanks for reading.
Peace and Loveee!
John.

Its a new day!

Thats right, its a new day and so far, at 1:42 am, I'm feeling fully motivated! I can't wait to go to sleep! Erm.. I mean.. Wake up, smell the Yerba Mate brewing in the morning, flavored with a little bit of Stevia. Mmm...

Its Monday, so hopefully my parents don't have anything planned, and also hopefully it will be a nice day tomorrow. We've been having pretty lousy weather the past few weeks, but I guess that's normal for winter. The cold weather has drained me of my energy, but I think that after tonight's revelation I'm going to be doing a lot more things outside, rain or shine!

Where was I? Oh yes! If the weather is decent, I might be able to talk my parent(s) into hopping on BART with me so we can head on over to Lake Merritt in Oakland, CA and enjoy the garden there. They have a palm tree, Parajubaea Cocoides, which is a very interesting plant. It grows at elevations as high as 6,000 feet, not to mention it fruits mini coconuts! Although this is not the variety of the cold hearty coconut I wish to grow, (Parajubaea Torallyi var. Torallyi,) it should still give my Mom an idea of 1. How big it grows, and 2. Where we can plant one! (or 3!) (one would be nice..) (3 would be great!)

Basically I'm going to try to get out of the house to aid in my detox session from sugary/high carbohydrate foods. It is going to take me about a week to get all of these chemicals out of my body to help my hormones find equilibrium again. I still can't believe I let myself go again. Every time this has happened (this is the third binge session I've been through,) I tell myself "Never Again." Yet it seems now more than ever, now that I've hit under 200 lbs, that these binge sessions are occuring more and more frequent. It scares the daylight out of me because I never want to be where I was again, yet when I go through these dark episodes its like I lose all control. I just have to keep telling myself that I am in charge, and If I want something, I have to get it myself because no one is coming to me with a silver platter. I need to regain control of my actions, the sooner the better.

So, looks like I have a goal for tomorrow! Drink some Yerba Mate and beg my parents to take me to the Lake Merritt Gardens (Lakeside Park Garden Center.) I'm very goal oriented so as long as I have a task on hand, I should be able to focus! However I'm not very good at multitasking, which is why whenever I get stressed I tend to munch, which leads me to become depressed about munching, bringing on more anxiety and more stress... Its a never ending cycle that I need to end.

Enough about my psychology. I'm a little of, but isn't everyone?
I'll be sure to blog about my experience at the garden tomorrow, or to blog about the failed attempt to go! Either way, you will be hearing from me VERY SOON.

Peace and love, John.

It's time to pick myself back up

            I was born and raised in Hayward, CA by the best parents in the world. My memories of them will always be good ones, and I put no blame on them for anything because I take full responsibility for the choices I have made in my life.

            "When I was a little kid, it was hard to make me frown. My Dad often tells me the story of how I was born smiling. I can watch childhood videos, and there I am smiling, running around, enjoying everything I could touch or see. At some point in my life as I got older, I started to lose my smile. I guess I smiled so rarely that I forgot how it was done. My sorrowful journey would soon begin after this period of my life, because in elementary school the battle had already begun.

            I sometimes wonder what happened to the smiley, energetic kid that I watch in the videos, or see in my childhood pictures. I wished that everything beyond that point in my life had been a dream, and that I would wake up in my Dads arms a kid again, but I knew that deep down, that kid had been missing for quite some time.

            As hard as I try, I cant seem to smile like I used to. I've been through a war, and few people know about it. I honestly don't know how I made it out alive. If I had been any weaker, I probably wouldn't have. My life would have ended while those who ended it would continue living theirs, never looking back at the casualties they left behind. I still carry wounds from the war I fought, and maybe my frown is one of them. Luckily, this war is not over, and I intend on winning it. It will be then that my childhood innocence will be restored. Once the war is over, I will be free again, like I was when I was a smiling child."

            I wrote that when I had hit 300 lbs. I was reminiscing on my childhood... being bullied in school to the extent that I often considered suicide as a viable means out of my misery. I had always told myself that I wouldn't let myself go to 300, that I would rather die than see that number on a scale. On the dreadful day that I did reach 300, a part of me did die for a while, for the weeks following I was in a depressed state. I saw no good in life, only good in the life I wish I had. It was after the realization that there was a better life to be lived that I started doing the things necessary to live it. 

            After a 6 month battle with myself, I stood upon the scale once again, and low and behold, I weighed in at 178 lbs. I was so extatic that I thought I could take a break from my warrior routine for the holidays. Big mistake. My clothes once again started to feel tight, not to mention my face started to swell. For two weeks I lost myself to the kitchen, to candy, and to other old habits, such as eating 4 meals at one sitting. It stops NOW.

             It is again time for me to reembark on my great journey, but this time I don't plan on doing it alone. I am going to blog through my pain in a hopeful attempt to give me something to look forward to and as a means of documenting my progress.

             As this is my first blog EVER, I think it's time for me to tell you all a little bit of what my blog is going to be about!

             I plan on blogging about my struggle with weight, working out, going on bike rides, working in the yard, learning about new plants (I'm completely fascinated with plants,) and other recreational activities I may decide to do. I want to keep people informed on my progress and also help other people who may find themselves in a similar situation, or on a lighter note, talk about common hobbies and interests!

             This first blog has been fun for me, and I hope it was a fun read for you. I will have more posts and photos soon! Happy blogging!